Thursday, December 30, 2010

December—When The Light Returns

There’s not much left of December as I write this. We saw the red-hazed full moon, winter equinox and total lunar eclipse all on the 21st. This is a one in 300+ year event.

This month the man to whom I was married for over nine years died. We had been divorced for many years and stayed friends over those years. Love never really dies. Just because people grow apart doesn’t have to mean the love that brought them together diminishes.

I will always love him for many reasons one of the biggest is one that I thought at age twenty-three was not necessarily a reason to love him—that reason is the four lovely women who are his children.

We shared much family together my family, parents, brother, niece and nephew and cousins and their children. We have always been a close family sharing vacations, holidays and always “projects” together. We my husband and I merged our families we had a much bigger group and his children and my cousins children as well as the children of one of his best friends all grew up together.

This year Christmas brought phone calls and Christmas cards his children. We asked each other how we were doing on this day, checking out our current level of grief and sharing a story of two together of happier days and of the days to come and how we walk into tomorrow through today. Living one day at a time which is really all we have can be difficult when we are grieving and it takes the ten-year old grandchild who wants to open presents or just that the dog who needs a walk to bring us out of our reverie and back into the present.

My mother-in-law told me after the death of my own father when I was twenty-seven that her own experience of losing her mother thirty years before was that the pain didn’t ever really leave, she was just better able to handle it with time.

She was a wise woman then and I can pass what she told me and what I’ve come to learn on to the children of my heart.
December is the month of the return of light in the pagan celebrations. December 21st was the shortest day and longest night and from it every day grows longer still bringing more light to our days and hearts until the Summer Solstice when the days grow shorter once again. We are all part of the circle of life and we are all one


Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Walk With Dale

He got up slowly from the bed. It was still dark and would be light soon he thought. He noticed that his feet didn’t hurt this morning – no, nothing hurt this morning. He felt like he was thirty-five again and smiled as he thought of his children – Kenni his first born and he felt that wave of love wash over him for those years he’d had with Kenni and Kari the second born while he and Sandie were still married. Kelli the third born had so little of that family time she probably didn’t even remember any of it. Then there was Kristi, born just three months before the family broke apart.

But something wasn’t quite right he thought as he stepped out of the bedroom and onto the basketball court of the Community Center. And there they were all grown up. His eye’s smarted with tears as he looked on them and what husbands, mates, children (his grandchildren) and great grandchildren? What was this all about? How beautiful they all were. They’d grown up so fast, where had the time gone?

And over there were his sisters chattering away as they always had, smiling and laughing at something one of them had said. He felt another wave of love come over him as he saw them now and as they were when he and they were kids.

Their husbands and children and grand and great-grandchildren were all there too. Well, he thought sardonically, “It’s a damned good thing we’re all meeting in this big room. He remembered the year everyone gathered at his folks house to celebrate a family reunion of Grandpa’s family. They had to get a ladder to let everyone get into the photo at one time.

And over there was Neal and Joanie and coming toward him was Roger and Sue – just what had the argument been about that pushed them all apart? Oh, well it was sure great to see them all here now, laughing and telling stories.

This is sure one hell of a dream he thought as he continued out into the group where he was welcomed by this person and that person. It was really great to see everyone. Somewhere he heard music; one of his favorite dance tunes by Eddie Arnold. He thought he’d go find Jane and finish that dance. Where was she anyway?

There was Ken. Wasn’t it just a month or so ago they had lunch together? And there was Jeff and Sandie’s sister, Susie. The food smelled good, guess somebody was cooking salmon. And he remembered fishing in Alaska with Roger last year. And then he remembered all the firsts. The first fish Kenni caught, Kari’s and Kelli’s even Duncan’s but where did Kristi catch her first fish? Hmmm.

Then he turned and was walking toward the doors which lead outside and he saw a menagerie of animals, dogs, cats and was that a crow? Further out he saw Uncle Harry and Fred. I’ll go have a smoke with them he thought then remembered he’d quit smoking when he was forty. As he walked out onto the grass and across to the men, he began to see other people who were outside too. They seemed to be waiting for him. Smiling and welcoming him in. He saw his mom and dad, his grandpa and Aunt Jessie, his cousin Rocky and Uncle Jim.

Then Neil walked up to him and gave him a big hug and beat on his back the way men do. He stepped away a little and looked at his old friend. He thought he’d cry and saw the Neil was crying. It was so good to see him again.

This is sure the strangest dream he ever had. From the moment he woke up to right now when he was seeing impossible people. People he knew had been dead for years some of them. And here they were just as real as he was. What a strange dream or was it a dream in a dream or was it . . . real?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

November’s Light

As we come around to take our places at the table, a moment to remember and reflect upon our wealth,
Here’s to loving friends and family, here’s to being able together here to gather in good company and health.

And may we released of all those feelings that would harm us, may be have the strength to give them up and get them gone.

Heavy are the satchels filled with anger and false promise, may we have the will to set them down.”

This is the first verse from “May The Light Of Love” by David Roth

David is a remarkable writer and performer. This was the first of his songs that I heard and learned. I have sung it for Thanksgiving Day dinners for numerous friends and relatives as they have asked me to say grace.

What this song means to me in this month of Thanksgiving is just that – to hold in my heart a little closer than other days and months that sense of gratitude for life, seeing the abundance that surrounds me and has never ceased to show up in my life, looking at my relationships with other people and seeing where I’ve had feelings that have harmed me. Asking if I am willing to “get them up and get them gone”.

There is not enough room in my life to carry a grudge against any person, place or thing. I was asked the other day if I was using my support system because I have been over working and was starting to feel as if I was catching a cold. I stopped a moment to think about my support system and then said, yes I was leaning in to those who support my well-being and wish me well. I have a solid support system today and am very grateful and appreciative of it.

Over the last few years my earth walk has taken me from being care-giver for my mother who had Alzheimer’s then contracted tonsular cancer and died of the treatment of that cancer to wandering around the state I live in thinking I would test areas and find the place I wanted to live. What really happened was that I re-visited those placed I had already been to and found myself saying goodbye to them and to many of the people I thought I had lifelong relationships with.

As my journey of grief recovery and discovery turned in to a Spiritual journey, I have met and made new friends who have shared their table with me and made my life more full and abundant.

My nephew and niece were both born in November and I remember them in this month as well.

Scorpio is the Scorpion in the Astrological world and falls between October 21st and November 20th. In Numerology it is ruled by the planet Mars and is associated with the number 9 (endings). Scorpio is a water sign. The key words ascribed to a Scorpio are “I see”.

November in our calendar is the eleventh month. The number 11 is only used by numerologists when the assessment of the number 2 (duality and change) doesn’t seem to apply. 11 is a delicately balanced number balancing spiritual/material and positive/negative. Even further the number 11 is a precarious balance between enlightenment and martyrdom.

So David’s song which speaks of being grateful for our “wealth”, and alludes to lifting the cup of acknowledgement for friends and family goes on to ask us to take a moment to remember the lost and lonely among us. He asks us to do what we can to feed the hungry and homeless.

In his verses I hear his wish that we might live in peace, do away with fear and be grateful for that which guides us. He asks that we not be separate from one another.

I’ve been invited to share a day of thanksgiving with friends this month and am looking forward to putting on my apron and helping bake and cook for friends who have extended the gift of family to me.

I wish you happiness and abundance, joy and gratitude in this the wonderful fall month of November.

I’ll end with the refrain from David’s song:

And may the light of love be shining deep within your spirit,

May the torch of mercy clear the path and show the way,

May the horn of plenty sound so everyone may hear it,

May the light of love be with you every day.”


Friday, October 15, 2010

And With The Leaves Comes October......

People have been talking about 10-10-10 events for months now. I’m a student of numerology and was going to write about this date from that perspective. A friend sent me an email about 10-10-10 which piqued my interest and so I went to the site shown below and read the article Christine DeLorey wrote in a blog about the numerological implications of “tens”, 10-10-10, 10-10-2010, triple digits which appear annually and numerologically appear even before the actual date, i.e. 10-10-2008 which Christine DeLorey (URL below) points out is the first occurrence recently of 10-10-10 because 2008=10. So instead of recreating the wheel I’ll point you to her blog with all support that you read what she has so elegantly put together about this and other dates.

”felt” by Christine DeLorey ©Copyright Christine DeLorey 2010 – all rights reserved

And! Halloween is upon us and with it all its introspection and happiness. Rural, rustic; or “of the country” people now called Pagans have been observing this time of endings and new beginnings for centuries. October 31st is the Eve of the New Year and November 1st is the first day of the New Year. Many believe there is a separation between the physical world and the spirit world. They believe the veil between the living and the dead grows thinner as the end of October draws near. Halloween customs often display element of death. This is a time to remember those who have left this world and of envisioning hopes of renewal and rebirth to come.

My family didn’t call Halloween “year-end”, but it was the end of our farming year. It was also the beginning of a time of celebrating the freedom that concentrated attention to crops; planting, growing, weeding, watering and harvesting. After the farm equipment was put away with other farm tools for the winter we set about preparing for winter which was harsh in Eastern Washington. We lived close to the land, eating what we grew, what we traded for with our neighbors and from what the fish and game we fished for and hunted.

One of my daughters-of-the-heart called me today to give me the information that one of our family’s dearest friends died October 9. He was born in Minnesota, moved to Washington and met and married a lovely woman from farm and logging country in the Snoqualmie Valley. He loved his family, his children, his extended family and then grandchildren and great grandchildren as they came along. He also loved the land and lived close to it. He enjoyed hiking, boating, fishing and bow hunting and many other fun things. He was an excellent pen and ink artist. Years ago he gave me one of his drawings of a soaring eagle. I still treasure it.

The month of October up to the 21st is in the sign of Libra. This is the sign of balance and of balancing the scales. All things seek balance: even water seeks its own level. As the old year passes at the end of harvest a new year begins with the coming of winter - that time of dormancy before spring brings new life to the land. And then the remainder of the month is in the sign of Scorpio

This is a time of reflection and celebration for all the gifts throughout this year. It will be interesting to see what the rest of this month has to offer. It is my hope for all of us that we have hope. That we look forward with mindfulness and look backward with respect and memories of fun and joy.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Is Reality a Delusion?

  • I have recently been taking a series of classes dealing with Archetypes that we tend to live in or move through in our lives on our “Rising in Consciousness” way. You may find more information about these and other classes as taught by my friend, Gage Tarrant at or email her at . She suggests reading the book, The Hero Within: Six Archetypes We Live By written by Carol S. Pearson. You may purchase any of the books suggested here from through my website here on the Calendar and Bookstore tab.

    As I’ve been studying these courses I’ve been intrigued that the word “Delusion” comes up often. Last night as I slept the concept of just what is delusion wandered in and out of my sleeping state so after an entire day of being hounded to write about these things, I’ll share some of the research I’ve garnered this evening along with my own beliefs not necessarily come by through any group affiliation.

  • Scientific and medical communities tend in their pathology (study and diagnosis of disease) to associate illness to delusion or delusion to illness.
  • I’ve seen a definition of Delusion as (loosely translated) to be an obstinate adherence to a belief even when it causes harm to the “believer”.

    The writers go on to describe “delusion” as a belief that is false, fanciful, or derived from deception. When I looked up “deception” I found a definition of it as being: a deceit, bluff and/or mystification and sleight of hand to put forth beliefs that are not “true”.

    Someone quoted from Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass, where the White Queen says, “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” And they go on to use this quote in judgment of people who hold beliefs which these writers believe to be false to fact.

    So I looked up “truth” and was overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of theories about truth. There were nine or ten different theories about “truth” and whole groups of believers lined up in support of their favorite truth theory.

    Some said a thing was truth when it conforms to external reality. Hmm, “What’s real asked the Velveteen Rabbit?” This is a quote straight from the well known children’s book The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams which claims no relationship at all to “external reality”. Other theorists said truth is constructed by society. Another group proposes that truth is whatever more than one person might agree to.

    One of my favorites is the group who say that something is true when it is seen to be true and they give the example of “snow is white is true”. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen a lot of snow in my time and not every particle of it is white so for me that blows that theory out of the winter wonderland.

    I liked what Kierkegaard had to say about truth. He talks about objective and subject truths. I have brown eyes. That is an objective truth. I believe politicians are inherently dishonest or they become corrupted after they are in office and then become dishonest. This is a subjective truth and in my reality it is “my” truth.

    My interest in what is and what isn’t “delusion” stems from my own belief based on my experience and observation of other’s stated beliefs that people who name a belief delusional just don’t understand the situation.

    This goes along with the article I wrote here a few months ago about “Contempt prior to Investigation” from a quote ascribed to Herbert Spencer.

    If we are to become consciously risen people who co-create our lives for the highest and best good of ourselves and all beings, how can we even consider naming some else’s belief or beliefs as a lie (false to fact) or a delusion?

    I believe judgment is an outgrowth of “fear” or (false evidence appearing real) and that it falls far below the “critical level of integrity” which you can find on the “Consciousness Scale” created by Dr. David Hawkins, MD, PhD. (You can purchase his book, Power vs. Force from this site or any book store or you can go to his website at: )

    It is my “subjective truth” that we are all one and that we are all here to heal one another. I’ll even go farther and state my belief that we can rise in consciousness and heal the wounds of our past easily, effortlessly and with grace and strength. We are alive here today to do what we came here to do and I give my intention to those who read this and in a Hololinguistic manner to all beings, to be in enlightenment, peace, joy, love, reason, acceptance, willingness, neutrality and courage.

What is Good about July?

I searched the internet today to find out about July. It seems to be an unremarkable month for me.

The first thing that caught my eye was “I forgot Day” on July 2nd. It appears this is a day to do one of two things 1) just forget things on this day, or 2) offer up cards of “I’m Sorry” because “I Forgot” – a blanket I forgot so I’m sorry for all those things I forgot. I like this day. It might rehabilitate my overall dislike for July.

When I was a kid we took one day a year off for vacation – July 4th. We got up even earlier than usual on our farm to tend to our chores, load the car with goodies and fishing gear then drive to the next farm 3 over and help them do their chores, gather them up along with all their goodies and meet up with two other families who had done the same thing. Then we drove about one hundred miles to a place above Ellensburg called Colockum Pass. We drove off-roads up to a place where there was hopefully a little creek that filled a small pool where we could put our cold foods and set up a day camp.

We kids were sent off to run to the top of the nearest peak and back again and by that time, breakfast was sizzling on our huge cast iron griddle. After breakfast the men and older boy (my brother) would take fishing poles and gear and go off “fishing”. Most years the only fish caught were by the little kids playing in or around the food cooling pool.

We played, fished ate, made ice cream, had a four-family baseball game in the nearby cow pasture using dried cow-pies for bases. There was often a bull either in that field or near it so we had to watch out for hecklers in the form of a bull.

What was most wonderful for me and I wouldn’t know it until we no longer went on that vacation was that on that day July 4th there were no fireworks, no sounds of loud things blowing up, no fear of fire, no fire trucks or ambulance sirens, just lots of wind and sun and fun.

My girl friend/neighbor’s dad, Russell who was about one-third the size of our boy friends’/neighbor’s dad, Del could eat Del’s weight in home-made ice cream. My dad told the best stories and he and I remembered all the words to the songs we liked to sing. My mom and brother remembered the tune to those songs, thankfully.

Everyone shone at baseball and the bull didn’t scare us farm folk one bit. After a full day of fun and sun, we packed it all up, drove home, left everyone off at their farms and returned to ours for evening milking and more chores before bedtime.

I don’t live in a quiet place like that now and haven’t for years, hence my dislike of the 4th of July. I used to go into the mountains for the day to get away from the racket. It was always a toss-up who disliked the noise the most – me or the dogs. So I always took them and my cat too.

I’ve found though that the 4th’s revelers have all moved into the mountains too. They don’t seem to care or know that the fire-crackers the set off cause forest fires and kill the animals and maybe even people. This year I’ve moved back into a more metropolitan area and so can’t run away to quiet from the fireworks. So June 30th I picked up the DVD’s I checked out from the local library and with earphones in place I intend to spend that day as far away as PBS mysteries can take me.

I’ll always have the memories of our annual vacation day and know that the 2nd is I Forgot Day.

According to my internet searching July is also the month of:
Disobedience Day
• Vanilla Ice Cream Day
• Ratcatcher’s Day
• Peach Ice Cream Day
• Fool’s Paradise Day
• Cow Appreciation Day

Well, that all fits in with my happy memories of at least the 4th of July. So maybe I need to revamp my dislike of the entire month just because one or two weeks of it are angry, loud, and dangerous.

I am also reminded that “it” is all good and every day’s a holiday if I just look at it that way.

This month a dear friend is moving into new digs, all my Kith and Kin seem to be well and happy and we are all one.

I’m reminded we are all one because the Seventh Universal Law is the Law of Compensation which gives us proof of the results of our actions. It is the law of rewards and blessings. It works with the Law of Cause and Effect. Here we receive in direct proportion to the energy around our thinking and doing.

The Universe always says “Yes!” so if I’m thinking of how my life is filled with bad things, then I’ll get more bad things and if I’m thinking about how full of abundance and joy my life is that is what I’ll receive more of. And in this month of the Law of Compensation – it’s all about the energy. The more we give the more we can receive.

Oh, and according to my sources, the first Sunday in July which is the 3rd this year is Build a Scarecrow Day. So have a great day building the one scarecrow that is so scary the crows won’t sit on it. And enjoy a lovely garden.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

All In The Merry Month of May

May is the month of flowers, May 1st is traditionally celebrated in Ireland and Scotland as Beltane and the beginning of summer. Beltane falls halfway between the Vernal equinox (Spring) and Midsummer (Summer Solstice). May also commemorates International Worker’s Day or Labour Day in the U.K. Labor Day was originally celebrated on the 1st of May in the U.S. as well but for political reasons was moved to the first Monday in September in 1887. In 1958 President Eisenhower named May 1 as Loyalty Day and as Law Day.
(Please see to check out the definitions of those new commemorative days.

It is also the day of my father’s birth.

The Internet would have us believe this is a custom not done in this day and age except by those who follow the Celtic traditions. When I was young we did make May baskets and dance around the tetherball pole in the school yard weaving ribbons on it for May Day. Children did this at the elementary school I attended in western Washington. And, we made May baskets to take to our parents, grandparents and the neighbors.

I’m glad to have been a child in a time when these kinds of traditions were looked forward to and there was an innocence in my world anyway that allowed me to skip up to my neighbor’s door, knock on it and hand my neighbor a reed woven basket full of spring and summer flowers.

I didn’t know who my neighbors were then. My parents undoubtedly new them I just wanted to give them pretty flowers for May Day. And they smiled and accepted my gift.

I have moved back to a community I lived in many years ago when the streets were safe, the roads were passable and you could actually know your neighbors, even have a bonfire and song fest in the backyard until the dogs howled and shut us down.

Today, when if I want to take a walk and don’t feel safe walking in the neighborhood I live in I have to get in my car, drive to an open walking track like a high school track then walk around and around the track like a gerbil in a cage.

Interesting times we live in. That’s an old Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times”.

An aid car is parked less than a hundred feet from where I sleep. It is parked in a fire zone in the apartment complex I live in. The kids or maybe not just the kids tease the truck because it has an audio alarm which makes loud noises and plays a loud announcement to please step away from the truck. I hear police and aid car sirens or more accurately they are so plentiful now that I don’t really hear them consciously, they just are there in my subconscious. People are shot by angry drivers as they drive on the street I drive on to go to my local library.

When I first moved into the apartment complex I heard whistling one evening and thought how nice that sounded, I hadn’t heard anyone whistle in a long time. Then a teenager told me it wasn’t someone whistling for the fun of it – it was gang members signaling other gang members in code using whistled signals. This is less than thirty feet from where I sleep. And I live in a “nice” neighborhood in a mid-sized town.

How far we’ve come from the May Day dancing and gifting of flowers to the neighbors?

Several people have warned me to be careful about the new bio-warfare killer fungus being sprayed by airplane in what are called Chem Trails. These folks tell me our government is killing us with these “targeted” dispersals of bacterial and viral air borne agents.

Friends of mine are telling me they keep bacterial wipes on their desks at work and don’t touch anything in their office buildings without using these wipes. I’ve not heard that they are wearing gloves and masks to work yet – maybe that’s next.

I believe everything is alive and has a frequency which is constantly being emitted into our world. So if I want to live in a world where May Day baskets are made and happily received I must align myself with those frequencies to keep my thinking on a higher scale.

If I live in fear I open myself up to receiving energies or frequencies whatever you want to call it that will keep me in fear and distrust of others This fear only serves to open me up to accepting illness and disease into my life.

One of my favorite author’s and PBS presenters, Wayne Dyer has said for years that we are what we think about all day long. I believe that. If I’m thinking about doom and gloom, fear and conspiracy that’s what I’ll have in my life. If I’m thinking about how I may serve others, how grateful I am and what gives me joy, that’s what I’ll have in my life.

I choose joy, gratitude and service to others. Happy May Day!

Saturday, May 1, 2010

It's All About Energy...

Many years ago I became ill with encephalitis and meningitis, I decided to kill myself and fell asleep instead. When I awoke it was to a male voice unknown to me speaking in my ear telling me this was not my life to take it was God’s life. That set me on a road which has completely changed my life. I no longer am a computer consultant for a living. I first became a client of a practitioner of Reiki and Cranial/Sacral energy work. Then I become a student of Reiki and cranial/sacral work. Now I am a practitioner and almost four years ago I added a biofeedback stress reduction device brining another dimension to the work.

It amazes me today to look back at where that road from what doctors told me was an incurable and terminal illness has taken me to the place where I live today; in a constant state of grace. I was grossly injured by the illnesses. I had just been told for the “nth” time that I was seriously injured by the diseases and that I needed to stop working, apply for disability and concentrate on maintaining the “remission” the doctors all were so excited about.

The physician of record treating me for the viral condition and it’s after-effects asked if he could write an article about me to send to the New England Journal of Medicine because I seemed to have defied medical opinion and was the only person of record in the U.S. who had this combination of diseases as an adult and managed to continue to live autonomously.

I’ve been asked how it is that I do that. I tell people that I live in a non-linear world. They usually ask me next what in the world is non-linear. What I have found is that I no longer live in a world where I am my brain or my illness or my possessions or anything else of the world. I live in the world I’m just not of it anymore. I don’t wear a watch, haven’t for years. And, if I need to be somewhere, I wake up on time by my inner clock to get where I need to be.

It is completely obvious that Spirit evidently isn’t finished with me yet. I still have purpose. There are things in this life I still have to do and see, feel and be. I am many years away from the original illness and contrary to all medical beliefs I have overcome many of the issues they thought were life-threatening and do live an autonomous life. If I become over-tired, stressed or become infected with flu or a cold I still can get out of remission. I’ve learned to balance periods of exertion with periods of rest. When I get caught up in what other people think about me, I can move into old behaviors in a heartbeat and make myself sick again. When I can stay in peace and am grounded and centered I have a very loving, peaceful, joyful life.

One day I was listening to a tape of a PBS special featuring Dr. Wayne Dyer talking about his latest book. I enjoyed listening to the uplifting things he had to say and then he said, “don’t die with the music still in you.”

I felt tears brimming up when he said it. I didn’t want to die with the music still in me. It hit me so strongly and I’ve never forgotten it. It “resonated” everywhere in and around me.

I knew then and still do know that I had to let my music out. I must give who I am away, share with others, help who I can and let the music flow. When I work with people who are just awakening to the principles of learning how to live life on life’s terms, when I watch them come to rely on a power greater than themselves and see them begin to give up trying to control everything in their lives -- I sing to them.

There are a few songs I like that touch even the toughest person and break the shell of isolation and holding back to let them shed tears and release old resentments and fears. One of them is very simple and quite profound the more I urge people to sing it again and again always with more feeling. It is a song I learned from a Unity Musical Church in Bellevue, WA. It has three lines that when sung over and over until will reach your very soul.

“I am free, I am unlimited. There are no chains to bind me. I am free, I am unlimited right now.”

REPEAT. Try it, try it louder and louder, sing it from your belly, feel it and I promise it will empower you.

I sing it in the car I sing it any where I am whenever I feel the need to sing it. I urge you to sing it, say it, write it, put it on a continuous tape recording and listen to yourself sing or say it. It works. Use any tune that works for you. I can’t put the notes into this book, I don’t know how or I would. My present to you.

My other present is never, never, never give up! That is different from surrendering yourself to your Source, the Divine in all of us. That means sing something every day that uplifts you. It doesn’t matter if you feel you can sing or not. I used to sing flat on many notes, until a man for whom I had done some computer work (yes I can do that today), repaid me by sharing his knowledge of Alexander Technique. Twice or three times we met for about an hour and from the first time we met and I sang for him through the last time I sang and played the guitar, I was never off key. What he taught me was to prepare the instrument - that would be me, close my eyes, go inside and be still a moment and when I was ready, sing. What this did for me was to connect my heart with the music. When I sing from my heart, I never sing off key or out of sync. I already know the song I want to sing, so once the instrument is prepared, the song sings itself. And, with the kind of feeling that touches another person at a feeling level.

I no longer sing songs as songs, striving to just get through the song on key. I don’t even think about that. I don’t think at all. I am present in the moment to the story of the music and the story gets told with all the feeling it needs.

Being present is vital to the way I live today. You’ve heard or possibly read (even on a bumper sticker), “be here now”. By that, I mean this moment as I write these words is the only moment of my life. The next moment hasn’t happened yet and I’m not living in the last moment before this one. Each moment is the now, the only life I have. Now is the only life I have - and now, and now. When you talk and I listen, I listen with everything in me because I am spending my now with you. It is my life it had better have meaning for I am giving a moment of my life for it. It is the only moment I have. That is what being present means to me.

I went missing for so many years. Living with resentment and anger over the past which is past and I’m the only one affected by my past if I hang on to it. Who or whatever I’ve been resentful toward from the past isn’t feeling the resentment and anger, I am. They aren’t staying awake at night reliving the old hurts, or not living their life out of fear from the “terrible” things that happened to me way back then. The sage was right, ‘whoever lives with resentment and wants revenge needs to dig two graves’.

It is certain that my hanging onto resentment, fear and anger, kept me soul sick and sliding into dying on the inside which was leading me to dying on the outside by my thoughts and behaviors. I must leave righteous anger to those better qualified to handle it than me. I’m not sure anyone is qualified to handle righteous anger, but then I don’t know everyone.

What I know for me is that negative emotions make me sick. And I don’t want to live sick anymore. The result in being sick for me would be death in the most hurtful manner. I know I will die one day and that’s not my concern. Death is just another beginning. It is the cycle of life. All nature dies, is reborn and dies again. I believe that applies to me too.

Death isn’t my concern, life is. How will I live this life I’ve been given? Recently I was introduced to a harmonic resonancing solution to dis-ease on all four levels. It makes perfect sense to this, albeit flawed, number oriented brain of mine. It is based on a book entitled, Sanctuary and according to Dr. Dyer’s children, once you read it you will say, “Sanctuary very much”. It is based on the premise which many have spent their lives working toward to one man who with the aid of others, did make it happen and has used it with many hundreds of people, now thousands. It takes the notion that all our tendencies to have that which keeps us separate from our source and all ultimate healing are found within our bodies, either ethereal, chakra, or physical. And that all life is resonance, harmonic and part of a whole. We are indeed holographs of the great I AM living along frozen fragments of light. There is of course much more to it than I can put into words here.

There have been other processes from the ancients to today’s way/s to integrate technology with spirituality. With Max’s system, a picture of me is put onto a tray where with laser technology and algorithms for every dis-ease (he doesn’t mean illness, nor anything the medical community would deal with). He means that which is within us and has the propensity to keep us spiritually out of sync, not living to our potential, tired, living at a lowered consciousness than we came here to live and never finding the real reason we came into this earth walk at all. So, using the techniques he and his staff have created, the photograph of me can be bombarded with tendency erasers to put it mildly and most simply. As this is done to my photograph, I physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally release from the place of my highest consciousness those things that keep me less than as perfect as I can be at any one moment in time.

This is fascinating to me and something I am in the process of pursuing and am excited to be involved with. I have long felt that all is about harmonics and resonance. Music is number, number is language, all in our known world is alive with harmonic and resonance. The rocks sing. The trees have different voices. These are facts known from the dawn of time. And now we have a way of balancing our energies. A way to allow to each of us and all of us as a whole to come together and raise the consciousness of the planet to a point where we don’t have to make ourselves extinct or live in the nuclear horror which has been painted for us since biblical days.

And since I was introduced to this system I have come to know about many other new and ancient methods of creating the same result.

How does this speak to my earlier question of how will I live this life I’ve been given? I hope to live it in harmony with all life, free from the need to be frozen by fear, paralyzed by worry, or the need to create real diseases in my body by not living my life the way I was meant to – naturally and in love.

Everything is energy.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

What is Success

A dictionary may define success as the opposite of failure. “We won the game!” So we were successful. Some people say that success is the journey not the destination. It is the preparing, the unknown quantities of the goal the thrill of the “chase” that defines a successful outcome because at the end of the journey, now the “chase” must be evaluated and new goals set to maintain the “thrill”. Still others would have us each define what success is personally on many levels as preparation to begin designing the steps toward a goal.

When I was a young girl I had lots of ideas about things to build and things to do. I’d think about them, figure them out and when I was ready I’d take my well thought out plans to my dad. I have to give him credit for not laughing out loud at some, even most of them. No, he listened completely to what I had to say then he sat in the way he had when he was thinking things over and what I remember most about him is that the next words out of his mouth were these; “Well, it seems to me you’ve got three choices.”

First he’d tell me again about the plan I’d just pitched to him, then he’d lay out possibly the opposite of my plan. Finally, he’d tell me of a plan maybe even very close to the one I’d just given him but this one I learned over time, was probably the plan he thought might have the best chance of being successful.

Now I want to tell you about how my dad listened. He looked right at me as I spoke and I’d feel as if he was taking my temperature and checking to see if I’d grown an inch or if my eyes were more hazel than brown. What I felt from him was that he listened to me with everything in him. He saw me he heard me he felt my excitement level and he watched my reasoning skills to see how well thought out my plans were.

He was taking my temperature – he was checking me to see if I liked myself in my picture of my plan. He was looking to see if I felt peaceful and had joy and enthusiasm (this was important to dad, enthusiasm). He was listening to see if I was planning a solo job or if I was going to ask others to help me and he listened to who they might be, checking what he knew about them and their capabilities and honor.

If this was a money-making plan, he listened to my budgeting skills with the keen sense of a spread-sheet aficionado even though this was a long way from “spread-sheet” days, his mind was keen and his ability to compute anything in his head was truly awe inspiring.

He was getting a feel for whether I was “up to the task”. Was I biting off more than I could chew? Was my energy level strong enough to carry me through?

I never felt judged for my worthiness or for the worthiness of the plan. I always knew inside that my father trusted me and loved me unconditionally. So his job was to check all the other things out because he knew that whatever I’d cook up to do would be legal and worthwhile (well at least mostly legal sometimes). We were pioneer farmers living a long way from the law of other people. Our own laws were most important and we lived or died by them.

So, with my idea pitched and my options in front of me I’d go about doing the deal. If the option I chose didn’t work out as I wanted it to, I’d go back to dad (my drawing board) and tell him what went wrong. Again, he’d listen in that x-ray vision way he had and then he’d usually say, “Well, it sounds to me like you’ve got two choices.”

My father died when I was twenty-seven. One day in my thirty-sixth year I overheard one of my step-daughters telling her youngest sister that I always gave her three choices. I had to leave the room to cry a little when I heard dad’s battle plan come from the second generation down. I had to ask him if he’d heard that too. I knew he was proud of the way my husband’s kids turned out (his grand-daughters), not ‘steps but a vital part of our family. He taught all four of them to fish just as he’d taken my brother and me fishing and my nephew and niece when their turns came around. I’m glad he had the chance to interact in their lives before he died.

So how has success been a factor in my adult life? There was a time in my late teens an early “twenties” when I measured success by getting paid the most I could for how I spent my work time. I took jobs that weren’t traditional female jobs and was well paid for them. I green broke and saddle broke horses for people around our area. I sold ads for the local newspaper in my senior year of high-school because I was on the annual staff and so I was going around the country begging for money for that anyway, might as well have the paper paying me too.
When I graduated I already had a job and an apartment in Seattle. I’d signed on to work building airplanes for Boeing. I was in wing sub-assembly for the 737 which was a paper airplane still in Wichita. So with no work in my department I begged work from my lead and made wooden storage units and key ring hangers. Then I “borrowed” a bicycle and an old blueprint and turned my restricted badge upside down under my collar and spent most afternoons riding all over plant II. When summer ended so did the job as Boeing was about to hang out the sign for the last person leaving Seattle to please turn out the lights, this was 1967.
I went to work as a station agent-train order operator/telegrapher for the Milwaukee railroad and worked for them for nearly ten years before they closed up shop and went back east only to then go out of business entirely. I loved working for the railroad. I got to work all the depots in Washington State and some in Idaho. It fit into what would become my “project-oriented” manner of working.

I started a computer consulting business in 1982 or 1983 because I’d come to realize that my skills were best suited on projects than working for one company until retirement. It worked for me.

Did I feel successful about my work life? Yes. I had no fear of walking in to a company, showing them a portfolio or my resume, talking about what I had done and could do and asking what they needed from me. That sense of having no fear of failure or fear of success came directly from my days on that farm. And the skills my dad taught me about thinking and feeling about things I wanted to undertake.

I’m struggling for the first time in my life with work. Questions have plagued my waking and sleeping time, I’ve questioned myself and wrestled in the mud with my fears so hard that I actually weakened myself enough to “catch” a chest cold. People told me that it was “going around” and everyone was getting it. Well “it” or another one like “it” has been going around every year and no matter how exhausted I’ve been, how overworked, I just don’t get “sick”. Then one morning about two weeks ago I had an accident. I burned my hand and fingers quite severely. It was a shock as accidents are and in two days I was sick with the “lung thing”.

I know from Chinese medicine and other areas of research that what affects us physically is directly associated with what we are feeling (or not feeling) in our life. Lungs are associated with a great deal of grief, sadness or loss.

I’ve been journaling and doing things I know to help myself get better. The things I have been experiencing in life over the last year and a half have resulting in grief, sadness and loss for me.
When my mother died six years ago I went into my “cave” and pretty much greeted the sun every morning and greeted the moon every evening. I walked, wrote, did research on a project I decided to work on and went through Mother’s things, sorting, giving away and keeping.

And I gypsy’d around two states looking for where I would settle down for the next part of my life. In several places and with several people I’d known for years I experienced more grief, sadness and loss as those relationships which had once been vital proved to not be viable any longer.

Now I’m embarking on a new way of doing what I’ve been doing. I’m excited about it and there is also shock and fear as like I’ve experienced with the recent friendship losses. As I write this I’ve been wishing my dad was here to run my well thought out ideas by just one more time.

Is it because I’m older now? That doesn’t seem right. I fell and dislocated my shoulder a year ago and that shook my confidence in my ability to stay upright. I lost my “ground”.
My brother died suddenly in a foreign country the first of this year. We were estranged when he died and I feel sad for the loss of his life and our inability to celebrate our lives together. Now I find myself the eldest person in my family. What’s that all about?

What do I know about this? I know I have been experiencing unmanaged grief, sadness, loss and a huge lack of Joy. I’ve allowed fear to overcome faith and lost confidence in the Universe to hold me up and sustain me as I walk forward. And I know that I’m really finished indulging this recent pity party for one.

I haven’t been spending enough time with people who sing and dance, play the drum and the flute, hug on one another and feel blessed to be in one another’s company. I need to get out and be in Joy!

As I’ve have been writing this article I have been going back to the farm and my youth with my father to ask the critical questions. Will I like myself doing what I’m embarking on doing? Am I truly at peace and free from fear, anger, worry and guilt around this area of work? Do I have the personal energy, the enthusiasm for this new way of working? Will the money from this new way of working be sufficient to continue to present more workshops? Will my relationships with the people I’m embarking on this journey with become richer and more viable for the “new” way of working? Will the net funds to be sufficient for me to use the money to enhance the lives of others as well as supply my basic needs?

These are the measures of success for me. I must do what I love and let the money follow, Maslow was right in his concept of “Self Actualization”. It is necessary to have other reasons to work after the basic needs are met. Joy must be at the beginning of and the end of each day of work for me or I won’t do it. I know me. Without enthusiasm and joy, there is not enough money to be had to work.

I’m so glad I got to share some of my father with you today. He was truly a cowboy/philosopher with a lot of rodeo clown thrown in. And, he was the most intelligent human I’ve met in this life. I’ve been invited to be part of the big-brain group and said. “No thanks.” I’ve worked in think tanks, brainstorming until my brain was unhinged. I’ve known many celebrated intelligent people and not one of them was in any way superior to my father. I really like that I’ve lived long enough to come to realize that we are all one – we all want the same things in life, we walk the same dirt, drink the same water and breathe the same air.

So, in my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren on loan to me for a little while and in all the others’ who have and will transit through mine there will be a bit of all of us in every one of us.

Oh, and the answers to my success questions are all YES!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

. . .And We Call It Relationship

I was asked the other day what I thought love is. More precisely, I was asked if I had ever known "that" kind of love. At first I didn't take it seriously - I thought they were talking about the "Across the Crowded Room", Debbie Reynolds and Rock Hudson or Dr. Zhivago "love of a lifetime" love.

That kind of love feels like neurosis to me. An illness one needs to get well from. Over the years my friends and I have talked a great deal about relationships, what we are really talking about is love. I am deeply involved with a loosely organized group of people who have dedicated themselves to seeking and then walking a spiritual path or their own choosing. Our experience tells us we must first seek God and know oursel¬ves [love ourselves] before we can love our fellow man. We also learn to love others and pray they are given that which we most desire in life.

I believe love is a journey of the soul. The soul has no interest in rational, intellectual thought, it is where wonder and imagination grows. Loving soulfully means using our imagina¬tion to see others as they are, not as we would have them be; just to see the wonder of them. To see how we are all created the same yet unique with our own experiences to live and our own diverse roads to travel is a marvel. It is a wondrous thing to spark the curious to know each one. The soul calls out to be amazed at meeting new creations and receiving the gifts they bear.

For me, to love the Divine, my fellow human, creation and myself and to feel love in return is the greatest gift. To be in relationship in a healthy manner, honoring and delighting in the differences of another being, watching them rise in love and daily become who they truly are as I am also honored and sup¬ported to grow and walk my own path is to love and be loved soulfully. There is a time to walk apart, going about our Higher Purpose and a time to come together, to share the silly, intimate and profound parts of our soul, to give time and in the span of time learn to trust enough to have the courage to reveal the dark as well as the light sides of my soul.

We take a risk when we open ourselves to share our soul with another person. The soul knows even though the intellect doesn't that all relationships end. The important lesson is that in the willingness to open and share heart to heart, time is not a factor, only soul's development in the process of relationship. In the timelessness of connecting and bonding, my soul is fed and I am changed for having risked the pain of rejection and loss.

I have a choice. I can choose to live apart, unconscious or I can choose to be open and receptive to life and love.

I have come to believe we can have all things as long as we are willing to let them go.

In a relationship, I see the revealing of my own growth and response to the challenge of risking vulnerability (honesty) with another. The more I become fully conscious, going along my own path, taking the steps to living a spiritual life, the more I see how far I've come by being in relationship with another like-minded person who is also walking their own personal path. When our two imagina-tions come together, we share on a level that has little to do with worldly, sophisticated techni¬ques and more to do with simple, playful, artful, even silly things. This I believe is loving soulfully.

The author of a book quite dear to my heart talks about the great humor and seeming worldliness and levity that people on this path have. How we sometimes shock others at how much fun we have dealing with devastating and deadly diseases. I believe this author under¬stood the soulfulness of recovery.

The relationship we have with one another is intimate and loving, yet fiercely rooted in our desire to have wellness and a spiritual life at all costs.
I am always filled with wonder as people share stories or current life events from a place of such deep pain only to have the next person share their experience in such a way as to have us all in tears of laughter. In the blink of an eye we roll from tears of pain to tears of understanding joy and humor.

And, so . . . . we call the topic relationships, when it is really love we are seeking. There are so many forms of love to experience - that of All That Is (ATI), family and friends, all creation, self and those we choose to love in "that" way.

Maybe my friends were right after all. Love isn't a neurosis one needs to get well from, If the Universal All In All is love as I believe and I am one with that energy, then all things are perfect in my world. Just as my serenity is in direct proportion to my spiritual condition, love is possible to experience in all its forms in direct proportion to how willing I am to be fully present, open and honest in the moment.

Happy New Year - 2010!

I wrote two checks today with 1/1/ on them. It seemed awkward. Is it 010? No, 2010 or just 10? Hmmm, well that felt different so I wrote the check out dated 1/1/2010.

So what is it about this year over other year’s that seems odd and strange?

In Numerology 2+0+1+0 equals the number 3. Three is the number of time and fate – past, present, future. It is the number of family, of trinities in general such as father, mother, child and birth, life, death. The number three concerns matters of creation and procreation representing both spiritual and sexual creative power. It gives energy and receives understanding in return.

Arithromancy or Numeromancy as it is sometimes known, is an ancient offshoot of numerology seldom heard of today. The three in this Pythagorean system means the recognition of the Divine, the soul; destiny

Thursday is the day of the week associated with the number three and with Jupiter. A homily from ancient tales is: Thursday's child has far to go. In astrology, Jupiter rules Sagittarius which has the ability to expand through growth and understanding. 2010 under Jupiter appears to be about truth, philosophy, travel and physical movement.

The gift of Jupiter is to guide us to highest fulfillment and happiness. The key words for Jupiter are: curiosity, openness, expansion, luck, generosity, life purpose, blessings, optimism, and prosperity
Jupiter is said to influence all the good and noble things of life, and lead each of us toward a higher purpose. 2010 should show us more money and a greater sense of meaning. This is a year to take in new ideas, cultures, people, and allow it to add color and dimension to our lives.

In Sacred Geometry, Jupiter is represented by the statue of Jupiter (or Zeus) at Olympus. Which was built in 433 b.c. in Greece and is said to be the real site of the Olympic games, not Mt. Olympus.

The geometrical shape associated with Jupiter is the Triangle. 
Sagittarius is The Archer (21 Nov – 20 Dec.)  It is ruled by Jupiter in its positive aspect. The number associated with Sagittarius is 3 in the positive. The element is fire and key words are: I see.

Sagittarius brings out an extensive attitude, expressing freedom together with an urge to explore beyond our known environment.

As January 1st is the birthday of 2010, in numerology, the lesson to be learned in this year is to be able to express freely. Seize every opportunity for self-expression when it arises and develop it to achieve success through creative talents. This is the year to find personal freedom through work. It is the year for the journalist, writer, artist, musician and entertainer.

All things are made of energy. Color, sound and stones all have energetic signatures and vibrate at particular frequencies. The primary colors for the number three are: all shades of mauve, and violet through to the palest purples and lilacs. Subsidiary colors are blue, rose pink and yellow. Colors to avoid are greens, black and grey, also dark browns.

The gem stones associated with the number three are: amethyst and garnets.

Music also has measureable vibrations and the number three is associated with
music which is bright and cheerful usually with a pronounced beat.

Pythagoras has been credited with creating a system of number and letter combinations which were and are still used to “divine” meaning from names, dates and addresses to name some uses. The number three is related to the letters C, L and U.

C is the third letter in the English alphabet representing ‘energy’. The characteristics of this letter are: good-humored, extravagant, dexterous, orator and an organizer.

L is the twelfth letter of the alphabet representing ‘action’. The characteristics of this letter are: benevolent, management, loyal talented, balanced and travel.

U is not only the twenty-first letter of the alphabet but also the fifth and last of the ‘true’ vowels. It represents ‘accumulation’. The characteristics of this letter are: clever, fascination, acquisitive, fortunate and retentive memory.

Our mission in 2010 is to uplift and inspire others. We must learn how to communicate on all levels, improve our knowledge of the world around us. Use time wisely. Concentrate on one thing at a time and come to understand the real meaning of friendship.

The number three has always been regarded as the sublime number and this is evident in the Greek word ‘Trismegistos’ which means thrice greatest or eminently great. To the Pythagoreans it was the number of excellence because it has a beginning, middle, and end. Spells are often repeated three times, fairy tales are full of instances of the number three in the form of wishes, guesses or riddles and, in mythology, Neptune carried a triple-pronged staff. The Delphic Oracle held the tripod in great esteem.

Happy New Year! May this “3 year” bring you abundance on every realm and in all your endeavors.

Blessings, Jane